The dust has settled and you’re newly single. Perhaps you’ve been single for a while since the divorce. You’re somewhat settled into your new life, the life of being alone. Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with being alone, and being alone is very different than being lonely.
Your life goes through multiple changes after divorce, and some of those changes are likely to leave you wandering about your future. Are you afraid of becoming the “old cat lady?”
Perhaps you’ve tried dating and just can’t seem to find anyone that you click with. You know, the man you would consider spending a week with, let alone the rest of your life?
Or, maybe you just look at yourself and don’t see a woman any man in his right mind would want to date.
Another possibility is maybe you’re just afraid of letting anyone else in because you can’t bear the thought of being hurt again.
Any of these scenarios, or numerous others, all lead back the same things believe it or not. Work on you for a little while and it will all fall into place.
1. Be confident in who you are as an independent woman. If you aren’t comfortable in your own skin, no one else will be comfortable around you for long. Can you blame them? This is easier said than done and can take some time. Start by identifying a couple of things you like about yourself. Perhaps you have beautiful eyes, good hair, a gorgeous smile, a kind heart or a great sense of humor. Concentrate on that and build from there. I’d bet there are a lot of “little” things you actually do like about yourself if you take the time to look and seek within yourself. Every time you discover something you like, it’ll most likely lead to something. Be comfortable being you.
2. Don’t rush into dating or relationships to avoid being alone. Let that come naturally. Every date you go on can be looked at as a learning experience. For example, was there anything that stood out that you liked? Didn’t like? Take those things and compile a list of what you do and don’t want. You can refer to this list later to concentrate on your “dream man” and help you avoid those red flags that you might miss in the beginning with the excitement and charm of a new romantic interest. If you go looking for love, you might find it but chances are you’ll miss a lot because you aren’t open to seeing everything. It’ll happen in good time, when you’re really at the place you need to be at to attract the man you want in your life.
3. As hard as it is, you’re going to have to let those walls down at some point. It’s OK to be cautious and observant so you don’t miss the telltale red flags, but don’t automatically dismiss everyone new in your life because of what your ex put you through. Is there a chance that you may get hurt again? Yes, there is. However, there’s a chance that after the next heartbreak you may find “the one.” There are no rewards in life without risk. I’m not saying open your heart up to every man you come across (see number 2), but don’t keep them all at bay either. Take your time and pay attention. Does he come through when he says he will? Does he live up to his word? Sometimes you have to take a chance. Don’t be afraid to be happy and to love and to be loved. You got through the divorce, and you can get through anything else life brings your way.
The most important thing is to not rush into anything but don’t jump to conclusions, either. You’re not destined to be alone forever unless you choose to be. You can meet new men at all sorts of places, but your sole purpose should be to enjoy your own life, not to meet a mate.
SC says
Thank you Cindy for sharing insight into this life altering event - divorce - and the agonizing yet at the same time thrilling journey of re-discovery and discovery. You so accurately identify and validate each feeling and emotion and provide encouragement to keep on, keeping on….moving towards the light at the end. Thank you.