Divorce and anger go hand in hand. After all, the two of you are getting divorced because of communication problems and/or an affair. It is perfectly normal to get angry when people don’t act the way we think they should, or when things don’t go the way we want it to. It’s when you become consumed with anger that it becomes poison to your soul.
First, look at what you are angry about. If your anger stems from a divorce that you do not want, you are thinking things “should” be a certain way. Should they really? When you use the word should you are putting your expectations onto another person based on your personal values and beliefs.
Your anger over you divorce could be based on the guilt you feel for being the one that left the marriage. In this case, you are angry at yourself because deep down you feel you “should” have done something differently. Your, “should” is derived from the values and beliefs passed to you from your parents, religious leaders and other influential people in your life.
Divorce anger is poison to your soul when you allow it to fester. Your anger begins to take over and control most of your waking life. You may lay in bed at night thinking hateful or revengeful thoughts. You may tell everyone that you come into contact about all the crappy things that your ex has done to you and how you hope karma bites him in the butt. You are hoping to be a fly on the wall to watch him tremble in his misery – ahhh, karma, sweet justice.
However, what you may not realize is how your anger over the divorce is affecting you. You are the one that is paying the price for your anger – not your ex! Prolonged anger over your divorce is like boiling pot of water. It can create several health problems including, headache, insomnia, high blood pressure, digestion upset, eczema, depression, stroke and heart attack.
Instead of allowing your divorce anger to control you, take control of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and get in your eight hours of zzzs every night. Taking care of yourself alleviates stress, thus should ease at least part of your anger. Look around you and start noticing the blessings in your life, including the wonders of nature that are given to all of us, such as the sound of birds singing or crashing waves.
The antidote of divorce anger:
1) Write it out: Journal all of your thoughts, especially the ones where you are planning your revenge. List all of the reasons that you are angry over your divorce. Then ask yourself if the reason you listed is really the cause of your anger.
2) Shout it out: Go out in middle of the woods or the desert and just start screaming obscenities as if you are really letting your ex have it. The place you choose, should be somewhat private. This can be your car parked in an empty parking lot or your house. Beat the crap out of a pillow if you have to. Release all of the anger over your divorce.
3) Talk it out: Talk about the anger over your divorce to a close friend, a divorce coach or a therapist. When you are expressing your anger to a third party that listens, you may have some breakthroughs, about what you are really angry at.
Releasing the anger over your divorce is necessary for you to let go and move forward in your life. Being angry at your ex for how your feel only hurts you. You can’t change the past. It is truly your choice to be angry or to let go. Which will you choose?
You truly must let go. Otherwise, your spouse (significant other, or person who seriously hurt you) has total control over you. And who wants that?
We have to be aware of when our anger becomes self-destructive, and then seek positive ways to resolve it. Taking care of ourselves really is the best way to stay healthy, whole. There is great advice in this post.