Do you find that you spend a majority of your time thinking about your ex and wonder, “Why am I thinking about my ex-husband all of the time?”
You curl up with a good book or on the sofa to watch a good movie and all of a sudden you notice you are staring out the window thinking about your ex. Regardless what you are doing you are unable to stop thinking about your ex. You long for some peace from the constant chitter-chatter inside of your head.
Ask yourself …
“How much of my day is spent thinking about my ex-husband?”
The answer might shock you. It has been approximated that women going through a divorce spend an average of 40-percent of their time thinking about their ex. This is a lot of time and energy that you are giving to your ex-husband. Choose to take your power back.
Constantly thinking about your ex-husband is poisoning your present and preventing you from experiencing life in the present moment.
Much of the time that you spend thinking about your ex-husband, probably includes variations of the following:
- Why
- How could he
- Did he ever love me
- I should’ve
- I could’ve
- If only
Reason #1 – Blame
You may be thinking of your ex-husband all of the time because you blame him for the situation you are in. You blame him for each and every crappy thought or thing that happens to you during your day. Because you blame him, you want to understand why he left you or why he cheated on you with women, drugs or alcohol. The two of you shared so much together so how could he have just thrown it all away? You wonder if it ever meant anything to him at all.
You may think about your ex-husband because you believe that if you only knew the answers to these questions that it would 1) STOP the pain and 2) CHANGE the past. Regardless what answer you find, it will never be the whole truth and it will never stop your pain or change the past.
Reason #2 – Guilt
Maybe you left your marriage because you felt unloved or could not deal with his addictions anymore. You may have also left because you cheated on him. Now you are consumed with guilt because you are questioning your decision. You can’t stop thinking about your ex-husbands welfare and how he will manage without you, or you could be concerned how your actions hurt him. You may also be thinking about your ex-husband wondering why he didn’t fight to save your marriage when you announced that you were leaving.
Guilt is blame turned inward. You may feel guilty or even selfish for wanting to start a new life for yourself. This guilt, makes you hate yourself and question your values which prevents you from moving forward.
Reason #3 – Unforgiveness
Forgive for you – NOT for him. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone or like what has happened. Forgiveness just means that you have chosen not to torture yourself with things that you cannot change and that are beyond your control. Forgiveness is acceptance and it brings peace to your heart and soul.
When you are constantly thinking about your ex-husband, you may be carrying a huge burden on your shoulders which is creating all of the pain. Choose to forgive and let go and lighten your load by forgiving him of all of his wrong doings and also forgiving yourself for anything you may have said or done.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Louis B. Smedes“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
Paul Boese
Accept the fact that you will always have thoughts and memories of your ex. Some will be bad and some will be good. Try to think of these thoughts like clouds, they come and go.
Don’t think of an elephant ….
What happened right now? You thought of an elephant, right? You may have heard that what you resist persists? Well when you are constantly telling yourself to stop thinking of your ex, these thoughts will persist and you will continue thinking about your ex-husband. The time spent thinking about your ex may expand until there is no you left, because you are consumed with the story you have created around your ex.
When you begin thinking of your ex, remember the memory and then gently refocus to another subject. The more you practice this gently refocusing, the less time you will spend thinking of your ex-husband.
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