You can remain sane during divorce!
For whatever reason some men choose to prolong the divorce proceedings. Reasons may include that the divorcing couple just cannot agree on how to split marital assets. Other reasons he may drag his feet is to make you feel disempowered and out of control. He may instill hidden fears by threatening you. The sole purpose of things he says or does may be with the intent to make you feel inferior.
Keep in mind the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
His criticism is often a way to manipulate you and the system itself in order to feel in control of the situation.
By remaining patient and calm during this process, realize that you are actually gaining the upper hand. It really is possible to remain sane during divorce!
If you are continually telling yourself (and others) he is dragging his feet to prolong our divorce, he won’t sign the divorce papers, he is lying to the lawyers and judges all of the time, he is hiding stuff, I just want it to be done and over with! You are giving away your power.
What is really bothering you?
- How long the divorce is taking (or will take)
- The fact that all of his remarks and charades are personal attacks on you
- You are tired of going to court and seeing his smirks
7 Tips to remain sane during divorce proceedings
1) Accept responsibility for your actions and your role during the divorce. Do you really need or want the things you are asking for, or could it be for revenge, or just solely to make him unhappy because you know he wants it?
2) Respond instead of reacting. When you respond, you are basing your actions, decisions and requests on logic. When you react, it is all about your emotions and feelings at any given moment.
3) Set boundaries with your ex. It is up to you what you will and will not listen to. Do not allow him to push your buttons in the hallway. Be firm and tell your ex what you will and will not accept from him. Your ex will attempt to cross the boundaries and it is up to you refuse to let him in.
4) Accept the reality of the situation. Just because divorces can get ugly, does not mean you need to be ugly. Understand that the legal system is not always as fast as we would like. It is their job to dig through all of the facts before they make a decision.
5) Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Plan an activity that you enjoy after a court date. This could be a soothing massage, a long walk, a couple games of tennis or having a night out with the girls. Make the subject of your ex OFF Limits for the night.
6) Make it a daily habit to practice stress-reducing activities, such as exercising, deep breathing and meditation. Visualize yourself in an uncomfortable situation - or in the court with the ex - remaining calm and serene. When you begin to feel stressed, take three deep breaths in and out. When you exhale, tell yourself to relax. Then take a fourth deep breath and tell your shoulders to drop. On the fifth deep breath, tell yourself “I choose to remain calm and peaceful.”
7) Choose when and whom you will talk to about your divorce. By talking about every day and telling everyone that will listen, you are keeping the stress of it all in the forefront of your mind. Pick times and/or days that the subject of your ex will not be discussed. If you think of him during these times, consciously redirect your thoughts to a happier subject. Find a good support group. This could be an actual online or offline group, a good friend, a therapist, a coach or a combination.
By practicing, the tips above you will be able to remain sane during the divorce proceedings. You will find an inner peace that no one can disturb. You will be able to sleep better and make the best decisions for your divorce and your life.
