Many women state that deep down they knew their marriage was over long before a separation and a divorce. They did not want to believe it and grasped at everything and anything they could to save their marriage.
Long before the words of divorce were spoken, you may have experienced one or more of the following:
Lack of time together – A healthy marriage is based on the foundation of friendship. In order to be friends and remain friends with another, it is imperative that you spend time together. You may have noticed that your husband began to come home late, spent more time in the garage, or always found something to do to avoid being with you during dinner or at large gatherings.
Lack of communication – A healthy relationship of any kind requires communicating. Communication is found in a variety of ways. It could be the way you glance at each other across the room, physically touching each other and of course speaking and listening. When the relationship is going south, there is barely a word spoken to one another. The words that are spoken are usually critical and harsh. Eye contact is avoided at all costs.
Lack of intimacy – A healthy marriage includes hugs, kisses, foreplay and sex. When a person is feeling emotionally detached from his wife, he will begin to withdraw from most (if not all) physical contact. This may happen slowly. At first, there is no kiss good night or no hug when he comes home. You may find yourself laying in bed and notice that every time any part of your body touches his that he moves away.
These are just a few signs of emotional detachment in a marriage. When a person is unhappy in their marriage and does not feel that they are getting the emotional support they need they begin to detach emotionally. There are many warning signs that someone is becoming emotionally stock including the three listed above.
It becomes a vicious cycle within the relationship. When one person withdraws emotionally, their partner often becomes clingy and needy, which makes the other withdraw even more. They cycle continues until one of them decides that enough is enough and chooses to leave.
Both partners are trying desperately to stop the pain that they feel which may lead either one of them to have an affair.
You may not have noticed that all of these signs were practically screaming at you to stop and take a close look to what is happening in your marriage. You could have been so involved in everyday life that it all seemed the norm to you or you could have just thought that your spouse was going through a phase. It can be very easy to dismiss something that is right before our eyes, if we do not want to see it.
Before a divorce, there is usually an emotional death of one or both partners. Look at your own marriage and divorce and see if you can spot signs that your marriage was on the rocks. Take responsibility for any part that you played in its destruction. Learn what you can from the experience as you accept what happened with the realization that it is unchangeable. Acceptance is the first step to putting it to rest so that you can get on with your life.
Having been in a long marriage ( 21 years) that gradually included more and more of the signs of emotional death, my now ex created a huge crisis that led to the the abrupt filing for divorce. I have taken the long road of carefully examining both of our roles in how it got to that crisis point. I have come to fully understand why I stayed too long in the marriage and how to face change and fear of the unknown which has made me so much stronger and more willing to create the life I deserve to have.