Many divorced women are full of anger and hurt because they believe that their ex-husband is living a happy life. They may see him out and about and he is always smiling. The kids come home from visiting with their father and go on and on about how great the weekend was, how their dad played with them and where he took them. Or your ex-husband has a new woman on his arm and you believe that makes him happy.
Ask yourself these questions:
- How are you so sure that he is as happy as you think he is?
- Can you feel what he is feeling?
- Could it all be just a ploy to make himself feel better? Or to make you feel miserable?
You cannot get into his mind and feel what he is feeling. He is not your responsibility. What he is doing (or not doing) should not reflect how you feel. Let him lead his own life. While you are so busy being concerned with him – who is looking out for you?
Just because I laugh a lot, doesn’t mean my life is easy. Just because I have a smile on my face every day, doesn’t mean that something is not bothering me. It is just that I choose to move on with the negative in my life, and keep my head up, instead of dwelling on the past. ~ Unknown
Many people look externally for happiness. They believe other people and circumstances are what create their happiness. They do not believe that they have control over their life. The truth is that the happiest of people believe they do have control in their life. You can control your life. You can choose to be happy.
The truth is you are unhappy and miserable because of what you are thinking. Happiness stems from the internal workings of your own mind. It is a state of well-being. It is being content with where you are and where you are going.
Happiness is a result of treating oneself and others with love and compassion.
People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
Here is an exercise for you to try:
Right now, get out a notebook and write today’s date on it. Next to the date write “My happiness level today is … (from 1 to 10 with 10 being very happy and 1 being the least). Now turn the page. Each and every day for the next 30 days, write down everything that happened during the day that you are grateful for. Come up with at least five things every day. You could be grateful that there was no line at the grocery store, or that you got all green lights on the way to work. It could be that the sun was shining or you got some much-needed rain. Other things to be grateful include a kiss, hug or an “I love you mommy” from your children. Are you grateful for the carpet under your feet or for your cup of coffee in the morning? How about the hot shower you took? At the end of 30 days, write the date and then next to the date write your happiness level. How much has it increased?
Happiness is a result of treating oneself and others with love and compassion.
Happy people are on a never-ending path of self-discovery. How many years were you identifying yourself as Bob’s wife or Jenny’s mom? Begin your path of self-discovery. Try new things. Go places you have never been. Meet new people. Join clubs or exercise groups. Find out what makes you tick. What gives you joy in life.
Give to others. Some of the happiest people are those that give to others. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, women’s shelter, children’s hospital or a library. Many charities and organizations are always looking for people to help. When you give of yourself, it increases your happiness level.
To answer the question “Why the hell is my ex-husband so happy while I’m miserable?” lies in the fact that you are focusing on him. You are so angry and hurt that you want him to hurt. The truth is you really do not know how happy he is or is not. You put all of your energy into wanting him to hurt, rather than letting go of him and focusing on yourself. It is your choice to be happy or not to be. What are you going to choose?
To be happy is a choice that you either consciously or subconsciously make moment by moment. When life gives you lemons, you choose to make lemonade. You choose to find the good in every situation.
