Does your ex have a habit of pushing your buttons? Do you feel like you have to be right and react to the buttons? Are you ready to stop letting your ex push your buttons?
The truth is that both you and your ex have fallen into a habitual routine. He says or does something - out of habit. You react out of habit. The vicious cycle begins. You feel he is manipulating, mean and cruel and he thinks you are just plain crazy. Isn’t it time to take control of your self and stop this circle of behavior that helps no one?
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make your feel inferior without your permission.” That’s a real eye-opener! It can be hard to grasp the truth that you allow yourself to feel any given way depending upon how others treat you or what they say to you.
Replace the word inferior with other words such as:
- No one can make you feel anger without your permission
- No one can make you feel resentment without your permission
- No one can make you feel sad without your permission
- No one can make you feel guilt without your permission
- No one can make you feel revengeful without your permission
It is totally up to you on how you react and how you feel regardless of what your ex may say or do. Take responsibility for your feelings and your actions and watch as the world around you seems to change.
Your ex knows you pretty well. He knows what to say and how to act to set you off. You then do exactly what he wants you to do by yelling, screaming and acting like a crazy person in general. He knows what to say to push your buttons.
The question is - Why do you let him?
Stop giving him control and TAKE CONTROL. When you are in control, you will be able to choose your battles with your ex with a calm and cool head. You will be thinking logically and not based out of emotion. The more you take control and responsibility for your thoughts and your actions, the less stressful your world becomes.
A part of all of us wants to be right. We want to feel justified in our actions. We say things like, “he made me angry because he showed up to pick up our daughter with his new girlfriend” or “he cheated, he lied and he’ll get what’s coming to him.”
Remember, you will never change your ex and he may never want to change himself. He is the way he is and that is his problem – not yours. Forgiving him and letting go of all the emotions you feel when he presses your buttons does one thing ….
IT SETS YOU FREE!
This is not as easy as it sounds – but is 100-percent doable! Follow these three steps:
- Repeat to yourself over and over and over again …. “I am responsible”
- Picture yourself remaining calm and unaffected by your ex’s comments and tantrums.
- When dealing with your ex practice responding to him without showing emotion.
The most important battle to choose is when it comes to your children’s health and safety. However, even then when you act with a calm, cool and collect head, you are more than likely going to come out on top. Once you take responsibility for your actions you will find that your ex no longer pushes your buttons because he realizes that it no longer works. He is probably confused and trying to figure out why you are not reacting the way he thinks you should. Let him ponder - it’s his problem not yours!
Cindy,
I love your article. It is so true…the secret to being empowered is simply in stopping the habit of giving our power away.
I would add one step to your list of three. Look at what your buttons are. Your buttons were around long before your spouse began to push them. Realizing what your buttons are enables you to work on your stuff, heal yourself. Soon he or she will attempt to push that button and you have desensitized it with your own personal work, you naturally no longer react but simply respond.
I wrote a similar article that your reader’s may be interested in, “Don’t Push My Buttons”, check it out if you like at http://www.karenmcmahon.com/2011/08/01/dont-push-my-buttons/
Best,
Karen