Moving Forward After Divorce Newsletter

 If you are looking for a way to go through your divorce as smoothly as possible …

If you are ready to move forward after divorce to embrace your magnificent self and create the life you desire …

The Moving Forward After Divorce Newsletter is for you!!!

 

The “Moving Forward After Divorce” newsletter will be jam packed with information related to life after divorce, with topics like:

  • Discovering who you really are and what you want in life
  • Handling your emotions
  • Dealing with your ex and his family
  • Helping children cope with the divorce
  • Relocating after divorce
  • Finding or beginning a new job after divorce
  • Co-parenting
  • Child support custody and support issues
  • Dating after divorce
  • Dating after divorce with children
  • Remarriage

To top it off, Each week the Moving Forward After Divorce newsletter will include an “Ask Cindy” section where you can ask your questions and get answers!

Recent Newsletter:

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March 13, 2015

In This Issue:

Note from Cindy

Quote of the Week

What’s New?

     * 7 Steps to Peace

      * Compassionate Divorce Recovery

Ask Cindy:

  * Why would I want to celebrate during my grief?

Featured Article

  * 7 Steps to move forward

Popular Articles

Hi  Cindy,

Hope this week finds you well.I have been having a busy life as well as more technical challenges that I care to face. However, persistence is the key to winning. 🙂

What do you think it takes to be happy? It’s not money, relationships, jobs or a new car. Rather it is a choice, as Abraham Lincoln put it, “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Even when you are walking down some of the deepest darkest paths of your life, their is always something you can find to be happy about. Find that little spark and hold onto it. Watch it, nurture it and add other little things to it. Soon,  you will have a bright shining light that you choose to create.

* * * * * * *

Remember  Cindy, you are right where you are supposed to be at this moment. Stop fretting over the past, find peace in the current moment and look to your bright new beginnings!

Love Yourself!!!  You are worth it 🙂
Quote of the Week

“If you find yourself plagued by a recurrent worry, train yourself to think of something else. Your conscious mind can concentrate on only one thought at a time, and driving the negativity away will free you up to move forward again.” ~ Harvey Mackay

What’s New?

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7 Steps to Having More Peace During AND After Divorce

          To attend, visit: PeaceDuringDivorce.com

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 If you missed the first 60 Day Compassionate Divorce Recovery Course
You might want to consider joining us for the next class that starts February 3rd
Current participants are already reporting some major breakthroughs!!!
Now!

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Ask Cindy

Question from Paula in Nevada

My 16 year old son is so hurt. His father moved out of the state last week and refuses to talk to my son. My soon to be ex sent my son a text telling my son not to text him anymore because my son pushed him out of the house.  He also told my son that he was dead to him. My ex is the one that had an affair and chose to leave us. What is the best way to help my son through this?
Cindy’s Reply
My heart goes out to you and your son! His father is acting like a child. I would suggest reinforcing your love for your son, maybe take him out on a special date for just the two of you. This is such a tender situation. You want to be sure that your son knows that you are there for him while maintaining a parental – authoritative figure for him. Don’t allow his loss to be an excuse to let your son do anything that he wants to.
Assure your son that:
1) Let him know that you are there for him. Do not force him to talk, if he doesn’t feel like it. Do allow the space and time for him to share when he is ready. He needs to feel that it is safe for him to share his thoughts.
2) He did nothing wrong. He is entitled to his own feelings and beliefs. There is no law that states a child must believe what their parents do.
3) He is not responsible for his fathers actions. Each person is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions. Some people are able to manipulate others into believing that it is their fault. None of this is your sons fault.
4) There is nothing he can do to change his father. We are incapable of changing others. The best thing to do is, to accept others as they are. Accepting does not mean that you like the way they are or that you like the fact that they hurt you in the first place.
5) He is a good person and will bloom into a fine young man. Focus on everything good and positive about your son. He probably feels some guilt and shame in all of this. His self-esteem may have faltered. Reminding your son of everything good that he is and does, will boost his confidence.
Do not make excuses for your ex. He and he alone is responsible for his actions. When your son asks you questions about your ex, be truthful without placing blame and without additional extenuating circumstances that your son does not need to know.
Bottom line, tell your son that he should do whatever is right and good in his heart and head. Tell him that it is his choice how much he chooses to try to pursue (or not pursue) a relationship with his father. Explain to him that his father is simply trying to play a quilt trip on him when NONE of this is your sons fault or responsibility.
(Disclaimer: My replies are NOT meant to be a substitute for the advice of a mental health professional. I have no relevant training in psychology or psychiatry. You are responsible for any actions that you may take.) 

Click Here to Ask Cindy Your Question

Featured Article:  7 Steps to Move Forward

1. Self Care

Enough cannot be said about DAILY self-care practices. This goes beyond bathing and dressing. You are a busy woman, dealing with kids, school, career, family and the ex. You may also still be involved with the legal business of divorce. All of this places wear and tear on your mind, body and soul. You can only give so much before the shi* hits the fan. This creates undue stress and anxiety.

Practice self-love, by eating healthy, exercising, yoga, meditation, taking a long shower or soaking in the bath. All it takes is 15 minutes a day. You may also choose to read inspiring books or stories of those that have moved past where you are now. Daily self-care practices of ONLY 15 minutes a day can save you hours of stress and anxiety.

2. Confidence

So many women feel as if they lack confidence. First examine how confidence is created. Every single time you accomplish something that made you feel uncomfortable, your confidence increases. For example, if you run into your ex and his girl-friend at the mall, you simply say, “Hi, have a lovely day.” and continue on your own agenda. You have just increased your confidence to remain calm and polite to your ex.

Remember, practice makes perfect. Examine what areas you want your confidence to grow in. Then purposely put yourself in these situations to practice your new-found confidence. You will feel shaky and unsure of yourself at first. You will probably be fearful and nervous. That’s okay!!! It’s normal. It’s part of becoming the amazing confident woman that you are.

3. Perspective

Keep painful events in perspective. You may be making mountains out of molehills, or you might want to believe that your ex’s actions and words have some sort of impact on your life. Ask yourself if it is really impacting you and how. For example, if he is spreading rumors about you, this makes him look like a jerk, it does not mean that other people are buying into these rumors – unless you give them reason to think they might be true. The best thing to do is to stand your ground and be the BEST version of you every single day.

Keep in mind my favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” Stop allowing what he thinks affect you. Ask yourself the four questions Byron Katie gives you in “The Work.”

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you be 100% certain it’s true?
  3. How do you feel when you think that thought?
  4. How would you feel if you did not think that thought?

Next choose the way you want to think.

4. Letting go

First you need to determine what it is you are letting go of. Perhaps its unmet expectations, disappointments, anger or blame. It could also be the loss of what could have been and the end of your plans and dreams for your future.

  1.  What is the impact of holding on to your life right now?
  2. What does letting go look like to you?
  3. How will it impact your life?
  4. How will you be showing up differently?

5. Accept Change

Change is an inevitable part of life. You are not the same person you were five years ago, and neither is anyone else. You grow and change each day because of your own personal experiences and your perceptions of these experiences. By accepting change as a part of your life, and finding the positive of each change, it makes life more enjoyable. Like most people, you probably fear change because you are afraid it will make your life worse.

  1. Ask yourself, what the very worst possible outcome of the situation is.
  2. Decide to accept that you could and would handle the worst possible outcome.
  3. Ask yourself, what the best possible outcome is.
  4. Get to work doing everything in your power to make the best possible outcome happen.

6. Connect with people

As human beings we need other people! I so often see women, curl up in a little corner all by themselves in their pain and suffering. You may do this because you feel all alone and believe that no one would understand. Once you begin to connect with others, you will find that your situation is more common than you ever thought possible. Connecting with others is a way to help you grow into the magnificent woman that you are.

I became a divorce coach to help women heal more rapidly than I did and to hopefully prevent some pain and suffering that I had to endure. It’s for this reason that I set aside a few hours each month to have conversations with women who want to connect and discover a different perspective to their situation i n order to heal and move forward as quickly as possible.  Apply to have a “Getting Unstuck” session with Cindy Holbrook, certified divorce coach today! 

7. Move forward

Regardless what happens you will move forward, however do you want to continue moving forward through the goo of the swamplands? Or do you want to be able to sail through life? Moving forward is simply deciding where you want to go, and take the first step, and then the next.

As you move forward, it is important to release all of the pain and heartache from the past. One way you can do this is to, write a good-bye letter to your ex as well as your hopes and dreams. Another way to let go is by having a ceremony of some sort. Ideas for ceremonies include:

  1. Writing your hurts and disappointments on paper and then burning them
  2. Writing your feelings on rocks and throwing them into the river or ocean
  3. Releasing balloons that either have items you are holding onto written on the balloon or on a small paper inside the balloon.
  4. The choices for ceremonies are only limited by your creativity.
Most of all remember that the caterpillar thought the end was at hand, when in reality it was a brand new beginning for the butterfly to emerge, spread her wings and fly.
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