Ask Cindy: I Know I Shouldn’t be Behaving Like This …

I miss my ex so much, although he has long since moved on and got married recently. We just got our divorce papers in April this year and he immediately registered for marriage in May. I miss my marriage, someone to snuggle close with, especially in the middle of the night when I wake up staring at the ceiling in the dark. I know I shouldn’t be behaving like this but I just can’t help it.  ~Gladys in New York

First off, you need to realize that you CAN help it. Simply stating that you can’t help behaving like this, or can’t anything, puts your life in some mystical beings hands. You have free will and you choose your thoughts, your words, your actions. Consider the following quote:

“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.” Mahatma Gandhi

You probably run the thought of, “I’m so lonely, especially at nighttime,” through your mind a thousand times a day. We have over 50,000 thoughts every day and most of them are just the same recordings playing over and over again. Start paying attention to these thoughts and replace them with a thought that makes you feel better, such as, “I am happy I have so many friends that support me.”

Letting go requires that you accept that it is over. He has moved on and there is nothing that you can do about that. The question is: What can you do to make your life happier?

Create a list of 100 or more things that you would like to try, regardless how silly they may seem. Think of things you wanted to do when you were a child, or things other people have done that create some sort of spark in you. Next, pick one each week and get out and do it!

When you begin meeting more people and filling your life with enjoyable things, you will begin to feel better, feel less lonely and you are suddenly behaving differently.