Ask Cindy: How Can I Put an End to His "In Your Face" Behavior? -

My ex has a new girlfriend and uploads happy images of them onto his Facebook page all the time, just so I have to see them. I have ran into them at places that we used to frequent. He wants my children to meet her. How can I put an end to his “in your face” behavior? ~Lorie in Arizona

It sounds to me like you have not healed from the loss of your marriage yet. His behavior could be unintentional. A woman goes through the five stages of grieving after a divorce - just as she would if there was a death - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

You appear to still be sad over the break up and are angry that he has moved on. You are hanging onto him by remaining his friend and/or checking up on him in Facebook.

There is nothing stating he needs to be your friend. I would suggest blocking him on Facebook, this way you will not see his posts. What good has came out of you stalking his Facebook page - and what bad has come of it?

Look at his behaviors from a different perspective:

1. He likes this new woman in his life and is sharing his joy with his family and friends on Facebook - it has nothing to do with you.

2. He frequents the places you used to go because he enjoys them - it has nothing to do with you.

3. He wants your children to meet her because he loves your children and her and wants them to be able to be friends - it has nothing to do with you.

My answers may seem to be harsh. We always want to think that other peoples actions are in direct correlation with how we will feel about them. Let me ask you if your actions have anything to do with how others feel? When you make a decision to do or not to do something do you have your ex in mind? Your ex more than likely is not even thinking of you, as he is concerned about his new life.

By believing that his behavior is “in your face,” you are making it about you and are creating more stress and anxiety for yourself. Your thoughts are hurting you and no one else.

I would encourage you to ask yourself the following four questions from “The Work by Byron Katie”

1 - Is it true?

2 - Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3 - How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4 - Who would you be without the thought?