The thought of dating after divorce can seem both frightening and exhilarating at the same time. It has probably been years since you’ve been out on a date. You think that dating has changed and you don’t know the rules.
On the other hand, the prospect of a man ringing your door bell and handing you a bouquet of flowers seems stimulating.
Your friends are constantly trying to hook you up and are telling you that it’s time to get out there and have some fun. The fact that you are contemplating dating after divorce may be an implication in of itself that you are ready.
Dating After Divorce: You Are Not Ready
1) The thought of dating after divorce turns you off and maybe even makes you feel nauseated.
2) You are constantly thinking of your ex. You talk about him all of the time and often find yourself referring to him as “my husband.” You might even still be wearing your wedding ring.
3) You believe that all men are narcissistic egotistic pigs and that there are no good men left out there.
4) You remain furious with your ex and want to show him what he has given up. You want him to see how easily you can replace him.
5) You continue to be caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, such as depression, crying, anger or guilt.
Dating After Divorce: You Are Ready
1) You are noticing men and your curiosity about what other men are like is increasing.
2) You are at peace with your past. You may not like what happened, but you have accepted it. Most of the time, you can think of your ex with indifference.
3) You have healed from your divorced. You have a stronger sense of who you are and what you want out of life. You feel confident that you could remain single and be all right with it.
4) You look at dating after divorce as a way to have fun, make new friends and experience more of life.
5) You would like to find your “Mr. Right,” and do not feel desperate to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone.
Dating After Divorce: A Plan
1) Be clear about what you are looking for. Do you want to make new friends or find a soul mate? You may want to consider dating a variety of men, to discover exactly what you like and don’t like about a man.
2) Watch out for dating red flags and TRUST your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t.
3) Accept invitations to dinner parties and barbeques from your friends. You never know who you might meet there.
4) Accept dates, even from men that you may not find very attractive at first. He might just surprise you or you could wind up becoming great friends. One of the main goals of dating after divorce should be to have fun and enjoy life.
5) Play it safe when you enter the online dating world. Don’t get hung up in a virtual affair. Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love,” states “My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact.”
a. One of the best first dates for meeting someone in person is to meet for breakfast or coffee.
b. Always let someone know where you are going and who you are planning on meeting.
Discovering when you are ready to begin dating after divorce is just the start of a whole new life and a world that is just waiting for you to see. Regardless where you are right now, remember that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be in this moment and time.
You have a great blog and ministry here! I can really relate to your listed items, as I was there about 11-12 years ago. I went through some scarey and even disgusting moments during the “dating game” and was really turned off meeting middle-aged men who really were “pigs” who only wanted physical, no commitment kind of relationships. I finally met a wonderful man through online dating and we have now been together for about 10 1/2 years (married for 7 1/2 years). Thanks for sharing!