There is so much pain, confusion and anger before, during and after a divorce. Both marriage and divorce are transitions in your life. Marriage brings hope of a happily ever after, while divorce brings visions of a dark, lonely, gloomy future. With a divorce, we often feel like we are 100-percent right and our soon-to-be ex-spouse is wrong, yet it feels as if the walls are caving in around us. We feel lost and hopeless.
Let’s see how your emotions of grief, being stuck and finally healing from divorce and moving forward relate to Portia’s Nelson’s Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
At the end of your marriage, as well as the beginning of your divorce, you may have felt as if you fell in a deep, dark black hole. You feel stuck, like there is no moving forward. You feel lost and alone. You feel hopeless about your future and may even fear becoming a bag lady or that lonely old cat lady we always hear about. You cannot see how any of this is your fault. If only he would have treated you differently, if only he would have loved and accepted you just the way you wanted him to, and if only he wouldn’t have strayed. The arguments between you and your spouse are at an all time high. You can’t understand why he just cannot come around to your way of thinking. You may be struggling to find a way out or a way to start moving forward.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
The next phase in your divorce is when you are trying to come to an agreement with the division of assets and income. You are still trying to make your spouse come around to your way of thinking, just the way you always have. You can’t believe that you are here again, listening to his excuses and possibly having to listen to him tell you how it’s all your fault or that his way is right and yours is wrong. Your communication pattern with him remains the same as it was during the end of your marriage.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
You finally understand that he is pushing your buttons and that you have the ability to change the way your communication goes, simply because you choose not to participate in the same type of habitual communication patterns.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
You no longer react with the same reactions. You are either ignoring his tirades or your are taking the time think about your response. When you change the way you respond to him, he has no choice but to change because he cannot continue to play the same game by himself. You’ve changed the rules - you are not falling into the hole he has left for you.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
When you have arrived to this point, you have successfully grieved your marriage and chosen to take a new road and to start moving forward. You no longer expect him to come around to your way of thinking. You don’t even try to go there. Instead of focusing on what he is or is not doing, you are focusing on where you are going. You have realized that your life is your choice. You have discovered that the bright new chapter in your life is all about you, who you are and what you want. You no longer waste your time, trying to please or change him.
Divorce recovery is a process of grieving, letting go, discovering yourself and moving forward. It’s for this reason that I created the 8-week Compassionate Divorce Recovery Formula. If you are ready to walk down another street and start moving forward, than I suggest you register for this program today.
Diane says
There are alot of stories on here about the reaction of a woman after her husband cheats and leaves, but what about the reaction from a woman who wants to leave but is afraid to make the changes she needs to make for her own wellbeing.