She is Living My Life

Often times when a woman has been left for another, she feels as if the other woman has taken over her life. She might say things like:

• She is living my life.
• She is sleeping with my husband.
• She is living in my house.

If this sounds like you, let’s explore what lies underneath the above statements as well as similar ones. Let’s start by answering one question ….
Is she really living your life or is she living the life you want?
I would wager to bet that she is living the life you thought you would have. She is living the life that you think you want.

You  have two choices:
1.    Continue to be sad and angry that this woman now has an important role in your former husband’s life.
2.    Decide that you are going to go out and create the type of life that you want and be surrounded by people that love, respect and accept you exactly as you are.

Just the fact that you are thinking or saying these things mean that you have not accepted that your marriage is over and that you are still in the grieving process. He has moved on, now it’s time for you to move on as well. You need to go through all of the grieving stages during divorce, because you are experiencing the death of your marriage as well as the death of your hopes and dreams.

She is Living My Life:
Is this really true? How can another person live your life? You are still you. Nothing will ever change that. You have had the experiences you had in the past. No one can take that away from you. It sounds like you are living in the past. Wanting what once was, versus actively creating a life that you want – one you can be happy in with a person that chooses to be with you.

She is sleeping with My Husband:
Is he really still your husband? Even if you are still married legally, it sounds as if he has already emotionally divorced you. The rest is just a process. Instead of thinking of him as “My Husband,” how else can you refer to him? You may want to just say his name, or my child’s father. Adding the word, “My,” means that it is something that is yours. Therefore, if you say my husband or my ex, you are still hanging onto an attachment of some sort. Try using his name, it might lessen your pain.

She is Living in My House:
Even if your name is still on the title and you own a part of the house, it is no longer your home. You are now living elsewhere. It might be smaller and it might not be in the best area of town, however it is your home. Is it really the physical “house” that you are missing?

Another question to ask yourself is why are you directing all of your anger towards the other woman? He is every bit as responsible if not more. So often one wants to find someone to blame, which is often the other woman. Saying, “she is living my life,” is placing blame on the other woman.
Understand that when you say, “She is living my life,” you are saying that you have no meaning or value without your former spouse. YOU ARE VALUABLE and YOU ARE DESERVING of having a happy life – whether it’s being single or finding a man that will love and respect you the way you desire.

Each of us is responsible for our responses and reactions to circumstances in our life. If you are sad, it is not because these other people appear happy. You are sad, because you do not like the situation and are trying to figure out how to change it to something that you would like. Since we cannot change other people, it is better to utilize your energy in discovering what it is that you can do to make yourself happy – regardless of what others do or do not do.