During and after a divorce many women ask the question, “Why didn’t he love me enough?” This question is asked regardless if you left him or he left you. It is one of the “Why’s” that can continually haunt one’s soul.
Once you ask yourself this question, your mind begins to search for an answer. Most of the time your answers will make you feel worse than you already do. You might come up with things like:
- I am not worthy of his love
- I am not loveable
- I let myself go by putting on too much weight
- I should’ve treated him better
- I should’ve tried harder
- … the list goes on and on
In addition to the answers above, your mind starts searching for proof that he did not love you enough. This line of thinking leads to thoughts like:
- He never wanted to take me anywhere
- He was ashamed of me
- He wouldn’t introduce me to his friends
- He always wanted to sit at home and never go out
- He wouldn’t make love to me
- He wouldn’t even try
The BIG question you should be asking yourself is, “Does it really matter, why?”
You believe that if you knew the reason why, that you would feel better and be able to put the past to rest.
First off, he probably doesn’t even know the answer. Each of us makes our decisions at any given moment based on every experience we have personally had. No two people experience the same things, even if they were sharing the same experience.
Think about why you do and say the things you do. Could you answer the question, “why,” so that someone else could clearly understand your train of thought? Think about your past relationships. Have you ever broken up with a past boyfriend or even let a great friendship dwindle? Do you think that you could explain your feelings to them so that they would understand why?
Next, even if you knew the reason why, you would not feel better. You are not sad and crying about the why, you are sad and crying about the “did.” It’s very strange, but asking why is actually a way to avoid the pain, but in reality it just makes you feel worse.
To answer the question, “Why didn’t he love me enough?” You need to accept that he is his own person. He made his decisions for his words and actions based on his own personal experiences, some of which probably had nothing at all to do with you.
If you catch yourself going down the “why” path of thoughts that are making you feel worse, STOP, and ask yourself, “What can I do right this minute to feel better?” You can also remind yourself that you are 100-percent responsible for your thoughts. Turn your thoughts to things that make you feel better, such as a smile from a child or a loving welcome of a pet. Think of experiences in your life that were joyful. Choose to focus on you!