Are you in the midst of an ugly split? Going through divorce can be a trying time, especially when the two of you cannot agree on anything. You may feel entitled to certain marital assets. Maybe you’re acting out in hurt and rage by demanding some of his possessions just to bite him where it hurts.
When you are going through divorce and contending with the legal system, you are making MAJOR decisions that WILL impact you for the rest of your life.
Step back for a minute, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What is really important to me?”
After it’s all said and done, don’t you want to look back and be able to be proud of the fact that you were your best self while you were going through divorce?
Wouldn’t it feel good to know that you did not succumb to your anger by lashing out in a manner that may affect you negatively in the divorce decree? It’s perfectly fine to FEEL your feelings. It is necessary in order for you to heal and let go of the pain. However, it’s up to you to CHOOSE your behavior as you are going through divorce. Being in pain is not a free pass to go out and act badly – even if he did. Don’t you want to be the best person you can be?
The choices you make today will determine the rest of your life. You’re at a crossroad and it’s up to you to choose which path to take. Getting support that can help you clarify what you really want is vital while you are going through divorce.
When you have a clear focus of what you want, you will be better equipped to negotiate a settlement with less drama. It’s all about learning to communicate with your spouse while you are going through divorce. If one or both of you are angry, no one is being heard. It’s up to you to take the lead.
Tips to Remain Calm as you are Going Through Divorce
1) Listen to him. Listening does not mean agreeing. Let him voice his opinions and concerns. Listen without judgment.
2) If he say’s something that you can agree with, tell him you agree. This loosens up his defense mechanisms.
3) If he say’s something that angers you, be quiet, take a few deep breaths and choose to continue the conversation in a civil manner.
4) Once he feels completely heard, he is more apt to listen to you. Now it’s your turn to state your needs and desires. If he interrupts, or starts to get angry, simply say, “I would appreciate it if you will hear me out, like I heard you.”
5) Take care of yourself while going through divorce. This includes eating healthy, exercising and sleeping. These basic health habits help to think with a clear head and reduces stress.
6) Get in touch with yourself through prayer, meditation and/or yoga.
7) Visualize yourself remaining calm, cool and collected when conversing with your spouse. You are mentally rehearsing a reality that you wish to have.
You may need to practice, practice, and practice some more, in order to remain calm during your discussions. He will feed off your cool, calm and collect behavior. In time, he will respond accordingly. Remember the whole point of your discussion is to divide monetary and physical assets. This is the attorney’s and courts primary goal. For the most part, they do not care about your stories and the drama you bring in to the legal system while you are going through divorce.
Going through divorce is hard, however the key to getting a fair settlement that you will be happy with is to remain calm. If you are able to negotiate the divorce settlement, you will save a lot of money as well as maintain peace of mind.
If you feel as if you are in a whirlwind of emotion and are finding it difficult to think clearly and to clarify your goals, apply to see if you qualify for a $200. “Getting Unstuck Session” with me at no cost to you.