Before my divorce, I was very active in a non-denominational church. I taught Sunday School, was in charge of the girls group (similar to Girl Scouts) and actively involved with the women’s group. My ex rarely – if ever attended church.
I believed the women I attended church with were very good friends. I was very close to one particular friend, I will call Sue. Sue and her husband often came to my house for dinner and my family would go to hers. Her husband was a friend with my ex. Sue was even my co-leader in the Girl Scout troop I led.
When my marriage began going downhill, I looked for council in the church. They were very non-supportive in dealing with my fears and seemed to care less about what was going on in my household. In matter of fact the pastor of the church, told me that I needed to make Jesus my husband. This was very strange advice to me then – and now.
For years, I prayed and attempted to immerse myself in the Bible and be the type of wife that God wanted me to be. There came a time where I really wanted my ex to just die. I would find myself wishing he would have a car accident and even praying that he would just die. No one in the church seemed to care about the suffering and turmoil I faced on a daily basis in my home – even Sue. They just preached that I was supposed to obey God’s word.
I knew I really did not want my ex to be dead – I just wanted the pain and loneliness I felt to go away. I decided that the best course of action was to leave my ex. I figured that God wanted me to happy.
WOW! I was not ready for the condemnation I faced from my so-called friends. They were so non-supportive that I quit going to the church. My friend Sue went so far as to take me to lunch and lecture me that God really did not care if I was happy or not. I had no biblical grounds for divorce and therefore I was disobeying God. I felt like the biggest sinner ever.
This was interesting to me – because my ex was having an emotional affair with another woman and put my needs and wants last. Though he never physically beat me, he ridiculed me and constantly put me down, stating I could do nothing right.
I stopped going to church. No one ever called to see how I was doing. No one ever came by. No one from the church gave me the support that I needed to heal.
Fortunately, I had a few good life-long friends and my sister who supported me whole-heartedly. Their love and the mentoring of a coach is what got me through the darkest and scariest days of my life.
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